365

August 8th, 2011 officially marks 1 year since I left my job at First Pres. It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that 365 days have come and gone since I preached my final sermon. What's even harder to wrap my head around is all the events large and small that have happened since then. The first thing I did after leaving my job was spend a week in Ocean City with my family...I couldn't have asked for a better way to start this new phase of my life. But quickly the week ended and I was back in Florida with absolutely no clue what to do! A friend let me jump in on the beginnings of his new insurance company...I know what you're thinking, "Maura working in insurance?" Hence why it only lasted about 2 months. So about mid Oct. I found myself searching again. And I found what I thought was going to be the beginning of a new career teaching at a private school for kids on the Autism Spectrum. 5 months later I was let go (long story). Needless to say the first 6 months of this "new phase" of life was frustrating, confusing, and pretty lonely. And to top it off I had no clue where to go to church. Searching for a new church has been the most frustrating part of it all. And unfortunately I haven't really figured that part out yet either.
However frustrating the past 365 days have been there have been some unbelievable blessings and surprises. First being my second nephew was born on Dec 23rd, and he is just the best kid! So I am now the proud aunt of the 2 best boys in the world! Ok I know I am a little biased :) Not only that but my involvement with Younglife continued and we had a great year that ended with my finally going to Camp this summer! An incredible week! I have a great job, and I get to work with some pretty great people, including one of my oldest friends in the world! And out of this job I have made some great new friendships that I am beyond grateful for.
 Over this past year I have gone through every emotion I could have ever imagined and I have constantly been faced with the question of now what? Now what am I going to do with my life? What will my career be? I am someone who likes clear definitions and for the past 6 years my life and a clear definition, I was a youth pastor! Its all I knew and its all I really wanted to know. So when it ended I was devastated to learn I had no title, no definition, no purpose. Or so I thought.
 The greatest lesson I have learned over the last 365 days is I can try as hard as I want to gain a title or to define my life but at the end of the day regardless of my "title" my job, my career, regardless of the pressure I feel by the world to know exactly what I want to do with my life, in the end the only thing that matters, the only definition that matters is I am a follower of Jesus Christ. That's it...end of sentence...end of exhausting search for significance!  At the end of the day my faith in Christ is what drives me to be content in where I am in my life right now because I know I am right where he wants me to be, at least for the time being. Although my walk with the Lord has been very up and down this past year, and majority of the time I have felt that He was no where to be found, thankfully He hasn't gone anywhere but before me to show me He's got it all under control.
 To be honest I am still dealing with a lot of what this past year has fed me and some days are great while others are really difficult. Sometimes I, to quote a friend of mine "I am selling myself short" due to a lack of confidence. Its in those moments when the people who care about me help me come back to reality and the reality is, I am blessed because He has been so faithful. He has never left me. That His call on my life to minister to people was not based on a job or a paycheck or a youth group...that the relationships I have and continue to have with kids are well beyond those things. They simply exist because He allows them to. And for that I will always be thankful, humbled, and grateful for.

~His Grace is Sufficient~

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 
   2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Friday is Good

As I am writing this, the clock reads 12:07am...which means its officially Good Friday. I'll never forget my senior year at PBA I took a course titled "The Life and Ministry of Jesus" yes believe it or not they some how were able to take the most powerful, influential 33 1/2 years of life and jam them into a semester. It was a great course, believe it or not a course I struggled with, the work load was incredible and my professor was tough...but it is still to this day one of the best courses I have ever taken. From the very beginning you could tell everyone was anxious to get to the final week of Jesus' life, and it just so happened to fall the week before Holy Week that year, it did however take us almost 2 1/2 weeks to complete the section, it was during that class for the first time I heard the phrase, "Friday is Good because of Sunday." It was something I thought about constantly that week, I found myself in awe of that statement, it was powerful, full or truth, life changing...but almost instantly I found myself almost rushing through Friday to get to Sunday. Maybe its because I am part of the "instant gratification" generation...so why not rush to the "good part", I was in fact the kid who when reading the "Choose Your Own Adventure Books" would pick one and if it didn't end right go back and try the other way just to get to the "good ending", feels good to repent of that! Now moving on...just a few days ago one of my softball players asked me the question many ask, why is it called "Good Friday" and I gave the church regurgitated answer of..."because of what happened on Sunday" and yes while that is true...I found myself again fumbling over the fact that I had somehow simplified Good Friday to that answer. Why do I do that? I guess some would think I'm just being critical of myself...but all this week I have been anticipating Friday because I feel like for the first time in a long time...I am tuned in, paying attention, remembering that Good Friday is a day that should not just be rushed through to get to Sunday. 

 And with that I will stop rambling and leave you with a passage from a Puritan Devotional I love called: 

The Valley of the Vision

 My Father,

Enlarge my heart, warm my affections,
open my lips,
supply words that proclaim ‘Love lustres
at Calvary.’
There grace removes my burdens and heaps them
on thy Son,
made a transgressor, a curse, and sin for me;
There the sword of thy justice smote the man,
thy fellow;
There thy infinite attributes were magnified,
and infinite atonement was made;
There infinite punishment was due,
and infinite punishment was endured.
Christ was all anguish that I might be all joy,
cast off that I might be brought in,
trodden down as an enemy
that I might be welcomed as a friend,
surrendered to hell’s worst
that I might attain heaven’s best,
stripped that I might be clothed,
wounded that I might be healed,
athirst that I might drink,
tormented that I might be comforted,
made a shame that I might inherit glory,
entered darkness that I might have eternal light.
My Saviour wept that all tears might be wiped
from my eyes,
groaned that I might have endless song,
endured all pain that I might have unfading health,
bore a thorny crown that I might have
a glory-diadem,
bowed his head that I might uplift mine,
experienced reproach that I might receive
welcome,
closed his eyes in death that I might gaze
on unclouded brightness,
expired that I might for ever live.
O Father, who spared not thine only Son that thou
mightest spare me,
All this transfer thy love designed and
accomplished;
Help me to adore thee by lips and life.
O that my every breath might be ecstatic praise,
my every step buoyant with delight, as I see my
enemies crushed,
Satan baffled, defeated, destroyed,
sin buried in the ocean of reconciling blood,
hell’s gates closed, heaven’s portal open.
Go forth, O conquering God, and show me
the cross, mighty to subdue, comfort and save.

The "Social Network"

Not sure if anyone will actually read my feeble attempts at writing but I figured why not. You see I have a few friends who blog and they are very gifted in transposing their thoughts onto the page or in this case the screen, I however find myself slightly anxious and very intimidated to being doing this. If you know me that seems strange, seeing as I am an extrovert who for the past 7 years has written more sermons and youth ministry curriculum then I could have ever imagined writing. The difference I suppose is that once I hit publish post thats it, my thoughts that I have become very good at keeping to myself are out there for the world to read. Wow the "world" really Maura?! Ok definitely not the world but the few people who will read this will in a way have access to thoughts that I pride myself on keeping on the DL. You see in writing and then delivering a sermon I always had the ability to change my thoughts on the spot, some may have called this ADD and they are probably right but that's not the point. To the point now:
 You see about 4 years ago I was blessed with the opportunity to attend the Passion Conference in Atlanta over Christmas break and let's be real I could probably write a book on what I learned that week, but one thing that has constantly resounded in my head since that week was the clear voice of God telling me that sometimes I talk to much, sometimes I think my opinion is way more important than it really is, but more than that I realized that I filled not only my life but those around me lives with a lot of unnecessary noise. What if I really thought before I spoke, yes something my mother has been telling me to do since I could formulate my first sentence, but honestly what if I did really think before I just unloaded my thoughts and ideas. And even beyond that what if my words, offered nothing but truth and life into those around me?
Now if you know me at all you know that I like many have a HUGE problem with saying really dumb things at really inopportune times. I'd like to think I have gotten better, but better or not I know for a fact it still happens. And now thanks to the wonderful social networking world of Twitter and Facebook I have even more platforms to voice my views and opinions. Sounds great right?! Not so much...at least I don't think so. As if the human ego wasn't strong enough, lets give ourselves our own pages to post pictures of ourselves, plaster our info pages with what music, books, and activities we enjoy. Not that info about ourselves is bad or wrong but really...I don't think people really care that I like to play golf or that my favorite movie is Rudy. Or maybe they do? Anyways that's not the point, the point is ever since we have been able to update our status or tweet about or current state a trend has begun to take place; while some keep them simple i.e. "laying out by the pool", others have chosen to use the platforms for any and everything but speaking truth. We use our updates to stir the pot, to tear down our opponents, or to just simply fill our newsfeeds and pages with noise. Now don't get me wrong I know for a fact I tweet, or update my status with some pretty simple things and I think that's ok. I mean isn't that the point of social networking, to keep up with those around us and what they are doing?
But what if we really thought about what we are saying before we click the "tweet" or "update button", what if we really thought about it!
 So this was a lot longer post than I ever intended it to be...but I wrote it I guess to say this, that for those who will actually read this, this is your free ticket to hold me accountable to not just filling this blog with noise or nonsense. The world is full of it, we don't need any more of it. So I'll do my best to not produce more of it. I hope that this blog will encourage, provoke thoughts and conversations, but more than that I pray that maybe it will help quiet the noise and maybe offer so simple sounds of encouragement or just an outlet for us to check out of the craziness for a while and read something.